2009 Day10

This afternoon was spent as usual – playing with all of the girls, painting nails, plaiting hair, bringing them for walks, colouring pictures, feeding, jumping on the trampoline, changing nappies, pushing swings, drying tears, tickling and anything and everything else! I only have three days left with the girls and I feel like I’m only getting the hang of it now. I’ll really miss them when I leave.

This morning was very different to every other. One of the girls who had been here for three years passed away a few days ago and her funeral took place today. Lucica was 14 years old and suffered with a genetic heart condition. All of the volunteers who met her said she was a wonderful person who was always smiling. I’m looking in our profile book now and there she is with the biggest smile on her face. She is beautiful.

We got up early this morning to go down to the market and buy mantillas for the funeral. We tried bartering with the lady at the stall but she was having none of it. She probably even bumped up the price for us!

We then made it back to the orphanage in time for breakfast and dressed ourselves head to toe in black where possible. Suzie told us that once our shoulders were covered we’d be ok. About 7 of the volunteers went to the funeral along with 3 interpreters, Suzie, Mercy, Liz (ORM managers) and a number of staff members from the orphanage.

The funeral took place in a village a couple of minutes away from the orphanage. This is where Lucica’s grandparents live and where Lucica had visited the previous weekend. Her health has been deteriorating for the past 12 months but the deterioration rapidly increased over the last week and on Saturday she closed her eyes for the last time.

Lucica’s older brother suffered with the same condition and their parents nursed him for 6 years before he passed away. They never recovered from this and knew that Lucica would be the same. They were broken hearted and could not watch another child die. They knew that Lucica would receive the medical care that she needed in this orphanage and she came here in 2006. Her parents moved abroad and Lucica was visited by her grandparents, who themselves buried 6 children with the same condition. The pain in their eyes today was unbearable.

Walking down the lane to Lucica's wake

We paid our respects this morning at Lucica’s grandparent’s house where Lucica was laid out. We each brought two red carnations. In Moldova, even numbers of flowers are for the dead and odd numbers are for the living. When we arrived at the house there were people gathered around outside and we could hear singing coming from the living room. Lucica’s mother and father came out to thank us for coming and they truly appreciated our being there.

We were then invited inside to see Lucica. It took a couple of seconds for our eyes to adjust to the dark room and when they did, we could see Lucica laid out in a beautiful white dress with flowers in her hair. Her coffin was covered in deep purple velvet and the inside was cushioned in white satin. She looked so peaceful and was smiling slightly – almost as if she was just having a nice dream. Along the back wall of the small room, there were about 10 old women singing hymns. I’ve been to a couple of wakes before but it was very different attending one for a child. I kept expecting her to sit up and smile. It seems to wrong that she should be taken away from us so soon. But I know that she is looking down on us right now with her beautiful smile.

The custom in Moldova when visiting the dead is to place the flowers inside the coffin, place a donation on the persons chest as a contribution toward the cost of the funeral, kiss the persons forehead and bless yourself. The whole experience was so surreal and I was terrified of doing something wrong. I felt like an imposter who shouldn’t have been there. But at the same time, it was wonderful to be there for Lucica and her family, who were so welcoming. They even invited us back to the house for lunch after the burial. We respectfully declined this offer as we did not want to impose.

After we had all been to see Lucica, we were standing outside saying a few prayers and chatting amongst ourselves. We were expecting to then head to the church for her funeral. Instead, some relatives and friends brought Lucica outside and around 70 or 80 people gathered around the front garden. A priest then began the service. Lucica’s parents are part of a different religious community to the one here so the service could not take place in the local church. Nevertheless, it was a beautiful service. The birds were singing, the sun was shining and there were children running around playing.

Funeral procession

We were taken by surprise on the location of the service and Niamh and I ended up about two feet away from the coffin with Lucica’s family. Lucica’s mother and father just looked broken. I can’t even imagine the pain that they must be feeling. They have one other son and he has the same heart condition that Lucica and her older brother had. He is 4 years old and will start to show symptoms in another 2. Burying one child must be hell. I can’t even contemplate it, let alone burying a second. And knowing that your third child has the same fate… it’s worse than my worst nightmare.

After the service, the procession to the graveyard began. The local school had brought out all of its students to watch the funeral party go by. It was a lovely mark of respect.

On the way out, everyone was picking white feathers from the ground. Here in Moldova they say that when you take one of these feathers, you take an angel with you.

An angel was buried today but she will be with us forever. Lucica Marian. R.I.P.

Local school children